The ‘Real Men’ Narrativeīut when a society’s vision of masculinity sets unhealthy standards and promotes harmful behaviors, that’s when it becomes toxic.Ī byproduct of toxic masculinity is the idea that there is only one valid way to be a man. No matter how funny Sean Hayes’ joke delivery was, the issue is no laughing matter.įatphobia in gay male spaces is a social phenomenon that has multiple roots: toxic masculinity, misogyny, internalized homophobia, fatphobia, media stereotypes, and – ultimately – the human needs for belonging and love.Īs I stated before, this is a conversation we need to have both as queer activists and as feminists. My first time hearing of any queer-related body image issue was about ten years ago in a punch line of Will & Grace involving the idea of “ Gay Skinny” versus “Straight Skinny.” Apparently, those two things are not the same (and there’s also another awful distinction: “Skinny-Fat”). Unless you know queer men or you are one yourself, you probably have no idea just how many queer men struggle with eating disorders, exercise disorders, and/or incredibly negative body image. Not to mention, straight people who don’t have close relationships with openly gay men most likely have no idea which issues gay men face within their communities. Fat-shaming in any community cannot be fixed with an online video campaign or by taking things to the Supreme Court. Queer male body image, however, is one of many “Gay Issues” that all too often gets swept under the rug, partially because of its social nature. In fact, I’d venture to say that same-sex marriage isn’t even the most important so-called “Gay Issue.” It’s just the most publicized one. Sure, marriage equality is now becoming a reality in a majority of the United States however, same-sex marriage legislation is not the only issue queer people face.
I’m not claiming to know everything, but this is a conversation that needs to start through both a queer lens and a feminist perspective. Researching and writing this piece led to some candid, revealing conversations with my queer male friends I also realized that this topic affects many queer men and needs to be addressed. I have chosen to write this piece because I have known and loved many queer men throughout my life. I am a cisgender gay woman and therefore an outsider to gay male culture, specifically in US metropolitan areas. Author’s Note: I want to let you know that the person writing this article is not a gay man.